Elvis here. I thought I’d better write again right away because so many of you were worried about Saturn’s moons after my last postal. So I’m writing now to tell all of y’all to chill. We would never hit a moon. I was just pushing your legs. Larry says that I couldn’t hit the broad side of a marmaltyxsorumpus, which is a very big animal that lives in the Honn galaxy. It is about the size of a Taco Bell.
Maybe y’all are wondering how I’m communicating with you. I fixed our transceiver! I used a Slinky, and parts of a toaster oven and a Roomba. I wasn’t sure about the Roomba because I worried that it might be a sentient being, and I didn’t want to kill a relation of mine. Larry said it wasn’t like that, but just to make sure I spent a long time trying to communicate with it. Finally I decided that Larry was right. So I can write to you for a while anyway, and even update my Facebook status.
I want to thank you for welcoming us to your planet and being so friendly. I also want to apologize for stopping everything that one day. I am sorry if we inconvenienced you. But Larry says it was necessary to make you take us seriously. I told him that I was sure you would take us seriously now, and we would not have to come back a third time to talk to you about nuclear disarmingment. I would be so sad if Earth was destroyed, along with all the DOGS in the universe!
More about dogs later.
p.s. Here’s a pic of the moon y’all call Titan, but don’t worry—it’s not as close as it looks. You can also see another moon at the bottom. I don’t know what Earth people call that one. We call it something like “Saturn Orbiting Rock Number 37,” except, of course, we don’t call Saturn Saturn.
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